Thursday, September 22, 2011

World Wide Recognition

It is every blogger's dream to find out that people all over the world are reading what she has to put out there. Like many bloggers, I have a site meter that tells me many things about who's looking, one of which is the city and or country the viewer is from. While it is unfortunate that many of these people are only on the site for 0-1 second, the more interesting thing is how they got here. Here is a list in order of most searched on how people arrive at your beloved Life in a Snowglobe.

1. blood spatter(s): I'm happy to know that I'm drawing the morbid, internationally
2. miles davis: I will never be Miles Davis
3. i look like crap: remember the hyperlink?
4. marshmallow porn: This person in the Netherlands is my hero.

Of course the truth is, most of my readership is from the U.S. and often gets to the page from Facebook (although there are some internationals from the FB including France and Korea). I can only hope that you continue to pass on these pearls of inappropriate morbidity I call humor, and that the international community will stop and read a bit in their effort to find blood splattering marshmallow porn on the interwebz.

And now, a picture.

All imaginary acts are completely consensual.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

Hilarious quotes from my life PART II

M'LADY: Do you think you can draw me a picture of a vagina with dreadlocks?

ME: Son, what are you doing with that toothbrush? During shower time.
THE BOY: I'm brushing the elephant's teeth!HINT: The elephant is his penis. He then proceeds to play the drums with the toothbrush on his butt.
ME:Oh, I see. You know your dad brushes his teeth with that, right?
THE BOY: OH!!!! I better wash it off.

ME: What do you get when you cross a pair of glasses and a potato?
M'LADY: What?
ME: A spectator!
M'LADY: Dork!

ME: Asked during maternity clinical orientation. Are we actually going to be doing the vaginal exams to feel cervical dilation?
INSTRUCTOR: Yes you will.
UNNAMED CLASSMATE: Whispering. We're gonna be a'fistin'

ME: Son, do you feel like you have a lot of pressure on you?
THE BOY: Getting all worked up.Yes. I can't do everything. Everyone wants me to do all these things. I can't do everything! I can't fold clothes! I can't fly!"
ME: Stifling nearly uncontrollable laughter.

BACK STORY: My wife tricked me into drinking pee by saying what was in a cup in the car was pineapple Fanta. There was a Fanta logo on the cup. She's my wife. Of course I believed her. When I asked why she would make me drink her pee, she looked at me and asked why I thought she would pee in the car. Turns out the pee was our son's. She then called her sports team, Team Fanta. They had yellow bandanas. Bitch. I was on the yellow team the next week and she was on pink.

FACEBOOK POST: Team Fanta wins 10-9. Go Team Fanta!
M'LADY: When I'm on the yellow team it's called Team Fanta. When she's on the yellow team it's called Team I-drank-pee.

After putting the finishing paint touch ups on the apartment I was moving out of, I spill the entire paint can on the carpet.
ME: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-noooooooooo! I knew this was going to happen! Why me!?!?!?!?
M'LADY: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. She literally rolled on the floor laughing
ME: I guess that was a bit dramatic.

During our first game of Magic the Gathering. This conversation took place with dramatic intentional lisps.
M'LADY: Oh my God, it'sth the Human Berztherker.
ME: Oh thit.


Thursday, September 8, 2011

Changes in Cowtown