DEATH MATCH: RED vs. WOODEN STICK OF DESTRUCTION

In this corner we see Red, a ninjamallow who doesn't mess around. He's seen more bubbling bodies of marshmallow cream destruction than the rest of the ninjamallow crew combined, which has left him a mere shell of a mallow. His strengths include anger explosions and cementing stickiness. His major weakness is triggers from past combat in the heat of the fires of retribution.

In this corner we see a stick. Okay, fine. It's not just a stick, it's The Wooden Stick of Destruction. What a douche bag. You know he got to pick his own name. Who would want to be The Wooden Stick of Destruction? I think he should be called the Wooden Stick of Douchebaggery. He thinks he's so great because he came from a tree. Too bad he's like the toenail clipping of a Great Oak. Oooooh, how scary. His strengtth is that he's pointy as fuck and can dish out one hell of a jab. His weakness, besides being a big wooden douchey douche bag, is that he can be snapped like a twig.

NOTE: This commentator is not biased, I don't care what you say.

NOW ON TO THE FIGHT...

The two start with equally cutting insults. The Wooden Stick of Destruction is definitely using his knowledge of Red's weakness here, but the mention of s'mores isn't quite enough to cause our ninjamallow to waiver. In line with this commentator's observation of the douchebag, I mean Sticky Stick of Destructing Things or Whatever, Red points out how insignificant his opponent seems in the grande scheme of things. The stick has held firm though and it's time for blows.

The Wooden Stick of Destruction launched, javelin like, through the air aiming for Red's center. Red didn't waste a second, jumping just inches above the stick's trajectory. The stick's speed was not fast enough for the ninjamallow, but it was fast enough to cause an intensely painful dive into the ground. Red jumped on the chance.

He cemented himself into a suger rock, smashing into the Douche Canoe Twig of Idiocy. A resounding BLAM! filled the arena, throwing dust and lightning into the air. The haze began to settle as the crowd inched to the edge of their seats...

The cement slam worked! Red won. It was a ninjamallow victory! The crowd roared with excitement. Meanwhile, the Wooden Stick of Destruction (and Douchebaggery) didn't do anything. Because he was dead. Because it was a death match.




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