The Birth of Mini Assorted Marshmallows

Once upon a time in Texas, there was a marshmallow and a bowl of sherbet.

It wasn't long until that sweet spark of love was ignited between the two confections. She lit him on fire and he melted her into a puddle. They were the sweetest couple the world had ever seen.

After a short courting, young love turned into low budget B movie porn scenes. They went at it like crazy. He licked her bowl clean. She couldn't resist his candy cane. Being from Texas, the two had never heard of protection, and thus they went bareback and brazen. Like the thousands of southern teenagers before her, Sherbert found herself swollen with child.

Marshmallow tried to be a good partner and take care of his lover. He spoke sweetly to her, but she had turned cold. She even became cannibalistic, requesting pickles and ice cream.

The day finally came when the offspring sprung forth from the icy cold nether regions of Sherbet. It brought the two beaming parents together in a moment of bliss and miraculous joy at the being they had produced in that moment of sweet nastiness.

Sherbet and Marshmallow looked down at the bundle of joy and instantly realized their baby was different. It was like nothing they had ever seen. He was a perfect mix of rainbow sherbet and marshmallow, an exotic sweetness unknown to the world. They had a hard time naming him, but finally came up with Assorted Marshmallow. The friction between the two parents had melted away like shaved ice in an oven and they joined together to raise their baby boy.

Things were great for the child as an infant. He was showered with love from his parents and given all the opportunities to express his little baby self. Unfortunately, things changed as he started exploring the world outside of his peaceful home.

No one knew what to do with this oddity of a being, so as with most unexplained phenomenon, people began to taunt him. He couldn't walk down the street without people yelling things like "Look, there goes the Rainbow Boy!." Some called him "colored" and others called him "fruity." All he wanted was some acceptance, but it was nowhere to be found. The cruel world had showed it's prejudice and hatred, and Assorted Marshmallow, in his youth and inexperience, felt he had nowhere to turn.

One day while Assorted Marshmallow was out for a walk, a freak accident occurred at his home. A goat had spontaneously combusted and in a last ditch effort to escape the flames, it race through the streets, crashing into the front door of his parents house.

The happy parents were taking a nap and didn't even realize the house had caught on fire. By the time the blaze was staunched, it was too late. Assorted Marshmallow ran in tears to the blackened remains of his home and discovered his mom and dad in caramelized puddles in the charred remains of their bed. The emergency crews had not been able to save them and their son was left alone and shattered.

As he walked the streets in a daze, hearing the usual taunts and seeing the sad sight of his parents' corpses floating in his vision, he came to the conclusion that he could not take this life anymore. He pulled all his resolve together and walked towards the human part of town in search of a gun. As expected, there was a shotgun on a hillbilly's porch. He had no fingers so he crawled inside the barrel, in hopes that the man would find something to shoot at. Invariably, the crazy man shot, as he was in the midst of a feud with the neighboring family. Assorted Marshmallow felt the heat of the gunpowder and was no more.

The sad story of hatred and suicide had a bittersweet ending. The shotgun had blown the boy to bits, scattering colorful mini marshmallows across the sky. Assorted Marshmallow gave his life to the unknown creation of mini assorted marshmallows, which have become a treat for millions since his death.






THIS POST WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY FRUSTRATION AT HATRED

The Hunt of the Marshmallow

Ahhh, the unassuming marshmallow. Silent in its pillowy sweetness, it sits on a table, happy with the world. This peaceful kitchen scene is one that can be witnessed across the vast lands of human existence. Peaceful, yes. But for how long?

As feared, the peaceful life of the marshmallow is not part of the great circle of life. The human species is a grave predator. At times unrelenting, they have an inexplicabe hunger for melty sweetness. It wasn't so bad at first...

The humans stole the marshmallows from their natural habitats, but simply to observe. They were put through rigorous tests of strength and endurance. It appeared that the humans were looking for a new pet, or possibly a feature exhibit for the zoos across the world.

Some marshmallows even liked the idea. They were tired of the wilds. The idea of being put up in a human household and waited on hand a foot seemed like a blessing. No longer did they forage for glucose to amass their bodies. The humans hooked them up to sugar machines. Domesticated marshmallows grew fat and lazy, but they appeared to be happy.

It didn't take long for the humans to expose themselves for the cruel beings they truly were. They snarled their sweet-toothed cries of attack and hunted those who ran. What had once been a quick and resilient people, had been turned into a bunch of sarcoidosis ridden lumps of grotesqueness. They could barely run for their lives. But a choice few survived...

They met in secret, under tables, in dark corners. They were burned and beaten, but they were alive. They formed an elite league of marshmallows to battle the threat of human kind. There were unknown amounts of marshmallows still in captivity, being fattened for the slaughter. Marshmallow hunters were constantly seeking wild varieties of sweet sticky goodness.

Members of the elite league sacrificed their pure whiteness for camouflage, jumping through fire, and burning their flesh into thick carbon armor. They vowed to fight for al marshmallows until the siege of human kind extinguished. They called themselves: Ninjamallows.