It's been too long, this is an apology

To whom it may concern: Dear meager readership,

You may have noticed that there has not been a post in awhile. I am sorry I have deprived you of borderline humor and subpar MS Paint drawings. Here is a beautiful bouquet of flowers for you so that each breath of air is filled with the perfume of love.

Don't worry. I know what you're thinking. Flowers are not near enough of an apology. You, my dear readers, are special. That is why I have also created a special gift for you. What is it, you ask? You are in mild suspense, aren't you? You just can't wait to see what has been created solely for your enjoyment. Well here it is!

That's right! A picture of a prototype for Ninjamallow action figures!

What? Not good enough for you? That's cool.

Have fun gettin' all stickified playing with ribbon and jet-puffed marshmallows from the grocery store. Loser.





This post brought to you by hairless rats

The Hunt of the Marshmallow

Ahhh, the unassuming marshmallow. Silent in its pillowy sweetness, it sits on a table, happy with the world. This peaceful kitchen scene is one that can be witnessed across the vast lands of human existence. Peaceful, yes. But for how long?

As feared, the peaceful life of the marshmallow is not part of the great circle of life. The human species is a grave predator. At times unrelenting, they have an inexplicabe hunger for melty sweetness. It wasn't so bad at first...

The humans stole the marshmallows from their natural habitats, but simply to observe. They were put through rigorous tests of strength and endurance. It appeared that the humans were looking for a new pet, or possibly a feature exhibit for the zoos across the world.

Some marshmallows even liked the idea. They were tired of the wilds. The idea of being put up in a human household and waited on hand a foot seemed like a blessing. No longer did they forage for glucose to amass their bodies. The humans hooked them up to sugar machines. Domesticated marshmallows grew fat and lazy, but they appeared to be happy.

It didn't take long for the humans to expose themselves for the cruel beings they truly were. They snarled their sweet-toothed cries of attack and hunted those who ran. What had once been a quick and resilient people, had been turned into a bunch of sarcoidosis ridden lumps of grotesqueness. They could barely run for their lives. But a choice few survived...

They met in secret, under tables, in dark corners. They were burned and beaten, but they were alive. They formed an elite league of marshmallows to battle the threat of human kind. There were unknown amounts of marshmallows still in captivity, being fattened for the slaughter. Marshmallow hunters were constantly seeking wild varieties of sweet sticky goodness.

Members of the elite league sacrificed their pure whiteness for camouflage, jumping through fire, and burning their flesh into thick carbon armor. They vowed to fight for al marshmallows until the siege of human kind extinguished. They called themselves: Ninjamallows.